Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
FUCK WHALES
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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