it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
