you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
