I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
