Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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