well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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