Christians are straight up FREAKS
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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