hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
