Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It was confusing and full of hummus
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
