i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
BRING THE BAGELS
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
