I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
