There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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