smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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