You made me cry and you don't even care
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
