I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
