How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
