my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
