No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
