did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize