I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
