Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
