I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
