i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
