i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
