every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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