It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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