my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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