He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
