he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
