note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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