I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
