it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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