Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I fill condoms, not promises.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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