why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize