WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
