I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
