Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
