So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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