Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
