Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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