She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
