I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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