I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize