i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
