too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
