her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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