His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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