I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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