if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize