Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
