spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
