my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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