is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
