a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
