I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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