What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
