She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize