Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
