my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize