Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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