my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
