did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
