no, he came in my armpit
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
