Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
