i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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