Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
