my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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