The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
