they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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