lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
