Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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