If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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