I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
