can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
