I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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