I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
