I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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