I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I am naked and annoyed.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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